5 things therapists do when they feel lonely

  • 2024.03.25 Monday
  • 06:13

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When Courtney Morgan, a therapist in Lousiville Ky., wants to be around like-minded people without having to try too hard, she goes to a yoga class.  "Sometimes I want to feel connected engaging in a conversation," 

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She says. She tells her clients to seek out structured programming they're interested in too, whether its fitness-related, educational, or something artsy.  During you class. aim to appear approachable, she suggests.  Resist the urge to look at your phone.  Make eye contact with people, smile, ask a stranger if you can sit next to them, and thank the instructor.  All are small ways to feel better connected.

 

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2 Send a voice text

Audrey Schoen, a marriage and family therapist in Granite Bay, Calif., loves communicating via voice message.  When she meets some one new and exchanges contact info, she sends them an audio message instead of firing off a text.  And when she feels lonely, she reaches out to friends in the same way--or replays old voice messages hat she saved.  "I love receiving voice messages, and I love sending them," she says.¡¡"They feel so much more personal," and are an especially fun way to keep in touch with friends who live far away.

 

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Mind over money

  • 2024.03.23 Saturday
  • 07:33

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MIND OVER MONEY

     By Solcyre Burga

Money is one of the most significant stressors for Americans, according to a 2023 American Psychological Association survey of more than 3,000 people.  Before moving to start budgeting or making a financial plan, experts tell TIME that people should rethink their own relationship with money by mulling their parents’ finances, how adults around them modeled spending, and whether they personally overspend or underspend.

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¡¡¡¡“The hard part is it’s not something that’s really tired to your personality,” says Jack Heintzelman, a certified financial planner.  “It’s really how you grew up and how you were educated on money.”

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¡¡¡¡In order to best assess areas to improve, financial therapist Traci Williams advises people to recog nize their triggers and note their reaction.  “What are the things that money is providing that speak to you as a person that can help you to get some indicators,” she says.  “For some people that might look ‘I am looking for security’ or ‘I am bored,’ or ‘I do not feel a sense of high self-esteem.  And so money helps to provide that for me,’” She suggests replacing the dopamine rush of shopping with pleasures like “baking with your kid, going for a walk, or listening to music.”  Those who worry about money despite being financially stable may need to work on neutralizing what it means to spend money.  “There is no such thing as the right or wrong way to do things.  They’re just the choices that we make,” William says.

 

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  Everyone’s financial plan should accommodate their own desires, needs, and lifestyle, says Heintzelman.

For some, it can be as simple as checking their credit card’s app and looking at the amount they spend on categories like food, bills, or subscriptions.   For others, it might be better to physically high light at bank statement or write out purchases to adequately visualize their spending. 

 

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   The goal is to eventually be able to instinctively set aside a certain around of money and know that it cannot be touched.  Automating the process can help give you control, says Heintzelman.

 

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   Knowing when to reach out for support is also important.  Finances are one of the leading causes of

Stress, yet only 52% of U.S. adults say they feel comfortable discussing it.  But experts say it’s better to

Discuss financial goals, plans, and stress with a spouse, friend, family member, or others to get different

Perspectives and also to share your anxieties. 

 

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   Financial advisers can help clients who need someone to make them accountable for their financial

Decisions.  Financial therapists, meanwhile, work at the intersection between a client’s finances and

their mental health.

 

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   “If your worries are affecting you ability to work or your relationships with you family members or

your friends, or your ability to take care of yourself, those are usually indicators that you need extra

help,”says Williams.  “That help can look different for different people depending on what your

situation is and what your need is.   

 

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  • 2024.03.20 Wednesday
  • 11:17

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TIME TIME IME TIME TIME TIME IME TIME

THE VIEW ESSAY

ECONOMY

No recession?

Thank women

BY JOANNE LOPMAN

REMOTE WORK ALLOWED ALYSON VELASQUEZ TO JUGGLE her demanding roles as a Wells Fargo talent recruiter and as a mother of two young children, including a son with special needs.  The flexibility made sense both for her job, working with hiring manager across the country, and for her kids, ensuring she would be available for medical appointments and pickups.  Remote work “is wonderful for working moms,” she says.

 

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¡¡Women like Velasque have flooded into the full-time workplace over the past few years spurred by flexible options combined with the rollback of pandemic-era school and day-care restrictions.    The percentage of “prime age” working women—defined as ages 25 to 54—set a record in 2023, with moms of very young children leading the way.

 

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  These women have become the economy’s secret weapon—and one of the reasons why the recession that just about everyone predicted hasn’t happened.  Despite almost two straight years of dire forecasts, unemployment remains low, consumer spending has held steady, and productivity is on the rise.  On Feb. 20, the Conference Board, which had been waring of a recession since July 2022, finally abandoned its call.  “The strong labor force participation of women workers and the strength of the economy are intertwined,” Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen told me in a recent email exchange.  She attributes the employment gains for women in part to the child tax credit and other initiatives.  “But also important is the increased flexibility of the workplace that came as a result of the pandemic,” she said.

 

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¡¡¡¡That flexibility has been key for women like Laura Podesta, who left her role as a CBS television correspondent in 2022, when her sons were 3 and 1.  Her long hours in the studio, along with frequent ¡×travel, “made me start to reassess what I was committing to,” she says.  She pivoted to a hybrid position, overseeing communications for Fiverr, a freelance platform, “I decided to make the move in large part so I could work home part of the week,” she says.

 

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Women's health pioneer

  • 2024.03.18 Monday
  • 09:00

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Women of the year / Marlena Fejzo

WOMEN’S HEALTH PIONEER

By Jamie Ducharme

GENETICIST MARLENA FEJZO HAD A DIFFICULT start to her first pregnancy.  She suffered from nausea and vomiting, as roughly 70% of pregnant people do, but pushed through until the symptoms lessened with time.

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    Her second pregnancy, in 1999, was another story.  For weeks, all Fejzo could do was lie flat on her back, since even rolling to her side triggered debilitating nausea.  Eating or drinking was out of the question, forcing her to get a home ­¸ for nourishment.  “Every second, she says, “was torture.”

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    Fejzo, who is now 56 and a clinical assistant professor at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine, had something more serious than typical morning sickness.  She was ultimately diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG), a condition that leads to extreme nausea and vomiting in 1% to 3% of pregnancies.

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   But even as her doctor diagnosed her, he downplayed the situation suggesting that many women with HG exaggerate their symptoms for sympathy.  Fejzo knew he was wrong; the idea of making up such misery was ludicrous.  But she “didn’t have the energy to fight.”  By that point, she was bedbound and losing weight at an alarming rate.

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   Fejzo’s physician eventually ordered a feeding tube, at around 11 weeks of pregnancy, but it wasn’t enough.  Fejzo had become so frail that she lost her fetus just a few weeks later.  “It was just too late,” she says.

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   Haunted by her doctor’s dismissal and the limits of his care, Fejzo tried to learn whatever she could about HG while she recovered.  That turned out to be not much at all—the condition was barely studied at the time.  (Many would only learn about HG when British royal Kate Middleton was hospitalized with it during her pregnancies.)  “There was so little known,” Fejzo says, but she had a hunch “there was something biological going on.”  She vowed to be the one to find out what it was, both for her own sake and that of her future children, twin daughters who were later born via surrogate.  “I didn’t want my daughters to have to go through that,” she says.  “Or anybody else.”

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¡¡¡¡Fejzo was uniquely well suited to the task.  She’d been interested in women’s health since her Ph.D. training in genetics at Harvard University, when she discovered two genes linked to developing potentially painful uterine growths known as fibroids.  She’d gone on to research breast cancer at the University of California, San Francisco, and multiple sclerosis at the University of California, Los Angeles.   Motivated by her “horrible experience and the memory of being blamed for it, she turned her scientific expertise toward her own condition.

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   She began by setting up online survey to learn more about the experiences of other people who’d had HG, the results of which suggested the condition ran in families—many sufferers said their mothers or siters had also lived through it.  Even more painstakingly, Fejzo spent a decade calling people who had suffered through HG, one by one, to ask for saliva samples she could use in genetic studies down the line.  She collected plenty of samples, but at first struggled to perused funders to pay for costly genetic research.

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  • 2024.03.17 Sunday
  • 09:17

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TIME  TIME   TIME   TIME TIME  TIME   TIME   TIME

KOSOVAR POLICE OFFICERS AFTER THE ATTACK NEAR THE BORDER WITH SERBIA

IN SEPTEMBER 2023.

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The U.S. HAS selectively declassified and leaked intelligence for as long as it has collected it, but the Biden Administration’s secret-sharing program is new in several ways, current and former intelligence officials say.  Where once the ODNI received one or two downgrade requests a month, it now sometimes receives many more than in a day.  While other agencies have jumped into the declassification game, much of the work is driven out of the White House.  Raher tan leading one-off intelligence scoops, NSC officials combine multiple secrets with open-source intelligence from commercial-satellite imagery, battlefield bloggers, and news reports, distributing packages that echo the finished intelligence reports they receive every morning.  “It’s been done piecemeal over the years,” says former CIA spokesman Bill Harlow.  “It’s more strategic and orchestrated this time.

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  Not everyone thinks that’s a good thing.  Skeptics point to the U.S. government’s history of cherry-picking intelligence to deceive foreigners, and Americans, during the Cold War and to justify the 2003 invasion of Iraq.  Members of the U.S. intel community, ever protective of their secrets, want to limit the program to the conflict in Ukraine.  Some in both parties worry a White House—run propaganda effort could be used for personal or political advantage.  “Now we’ve got this declassification weapon that, put in the wrong hands, is very dangerous,” says a former CIA official.

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     But the world of secrets is changing, and America is scrambling to adapt.  Russia has refined its social media propaganda operation so aggressively since 2016 that it believes only 1% of its bot army is detected on platforms like X and TikTok, according to a U.S. intelligence document published last year by the Washington Post.   China is using advanced AI in its propaganda operations, the Rand Corp, said in a recent report.  Sharing America’s secrets with the world before enemies try to influence and undermine democracies, advocates say, is one of the best ways to fight back.  “We’ve learned you can beat a lie to the punch if you know it’s coming,” says Kirby.  “We’re getting out ahead of them.

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      At the same time, the proliferation of classified information means that America’s secrets are worth less than they used to be—and are harder to keep.  The U.S. intelligence community sucks up the equivalent of 29 petabytes or 500 billion pages worth of information every day.  Classifies tens of millions of documents a year, and produces an estimated 50,000 classified reports annually, according to the National Security Agency, the National Archives, and public reporting.  Accused mass leakers Edward Snowden and Airman First Class Jack Teixeira were both IT workers hired to manage that ocean of intel.   President Joe Biden and Donald Trump have faced special-counsel investigations for their sloppy handling of classified information.   America’s attempt to safely warehouse billions of secrets is failing from the top of the intel chain to the bottom.  As Justice Potter Stewart said in the Pentagon Papers case, “When everything is classified, then nothing is classified, and the system becomes one to be disregarded by the cynical or the careless, and to be manipulated by those intent on self-protection or self-promotion.”

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  • 2024.03.16 Saturday
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A RUSSIAN TANK HIT BY UKRAINIAN FORCES IN FEBRUARY 2022

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ON THE AFTERNOON OF SEPT. 27,

A BALKANS EXPERT AT THE WHITE HOUSE

GOT A DISTURBING CALL FROM A U.S. INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

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Serbian forces were massing along the length of their country’s border with Kosovo, where NATO has kept an uneasy peace since a bloody war of secession in 1999.  Three days earlier, more than two dozen armed Serbs had killed a Kosovar police officer in an attack.  Now Servia was deploying heavy weapons and troops.  “We were very worried that Servia could be preparing to launch a military invasion,” says one National Security Council (NSC) official.

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¡¡¡¡The question was what to do about it.  Months of mounting tension in a remote corner of south-eastern Europe had not received much attention in the media.   Diplomatic efforts by the U.K., Italy, and other countries with troops on the ground in Kosovo had failed to calm the situation.  In Washington, attention was focused on chaos in Congress; in much of Europe, the trop priority was marshaling continued support for Ukraine.  So as part of an effort to pressure Serbia to back down, U.S. National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan approved a request from his Europe team to declassify elements of the Serbian buildup for public release.

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¡¡ The NSC Intelligence Directorate edited the secret details of the buildup to obscure the sources and methods behind the intelligence.  Then it shipped the request to the office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI) in Northern Virginia via classified email.  On Sept. 29, after a  two-day scramble to clear the declassification, NSC spokesperson John Kirby convened an unscheduled Zoom call with members of the White House press corps.  Kirby gave new information about the Sept. 24, attack on the Kosovar police officer and broke the news of the latest Servian deployment, revealing that it included advanced artillery, tanks, and mechanized infantry units.   As coverage spiked, European countries joined the U.S. in applying new diplomatic pressure on the Serbs, and the U.K. announced an additional troop deployment to Kosovo.  Within days, Serbian troops were pulling back.

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¡¡The declassification and release of the Serbian troop movements is one example of a novel White house approach to using intelligence hat has grown out of the U.S. response to the war in Ukraine.  Starting in the fall of 2021, as U.S. spies became convinced Russia was preparing to invade, Sullivan worked with Director of National Intelligence Avril Haines and CIA Director William Burns to “downgrade” classified details of Moscow’s moves.  “We were sitting on this troubling information,” says Maher Bitar, NSC coordinator for intelligence and defense policy, “and we needed to get ahead of what the Russian were going to do.”

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  More than two years later, the White House has built a broad program to share secrets when it serves strategic goals.  About once a week, White House officials see intelligence that they want to make public and get approval from Sullivan to try, more than a dozen current and former White House and national-security officials tell TIME.  Intelligence officials at the NSC send requests to the ODNI, which processes them, agreeing on cleared language with those who created the secrets to begin with.  “The ultimate decision on whether to greenlight or re-light a given piece of information rests with the professionals in the intelligence community,” Sullivan says.

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  The motivation behind the program, the officials say, is that it works.  Strategic declassification had denied Russian President Vladimir Putin “false narrative,” Burns said in a speech last summer, “putting him in the uncomfortable and unaccustomed position of being on his back foot.”  The effort has expanded beyond Russia.  The U.S. has declassified intelligence to blunt Chinese saber-rattling in the Taiwan Strait, to pressure Iran to stop supplying weapons to the Houthis attacking shipping vessels in the Red Sea, and to counter Hamas’ false claims about Israeli strikes.  “This is a game changer,” says Kirby.  “I hope they never put it back in the bottle.”

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  • 2024.03.14 Thursday
  • 07:37

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¡¡¡¡By summer 2020, Luis had fully recovered his sense of smell and taste.  “But I lost everything,” he reported.  His family, once stable, was impoverished, relying on food pantries.  After George Floyd was murdered, he joined in protests that lasted through the summer.  “It was connected to the pandemic,” Luis said.  “It was boiling over at that point, this kind of mistreatment.”

 

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   Some things got lost or put on hold.  Luis gave up on graduate school, for fear of condemning himself to years of online classes.  His social life remained nonexistent.  The toll of this deprivation was unmistakable.  In some ways, the pandemic had stalled his development; in other, it aged him.  “I grew up like 10 years in the pandemic,” he told us.  A remarkable number of the 20-somethings we interviewed expressed this same sentiment.

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What we owe 2020-smethings (part 1)

  • 2024.03.13 Wednesday
  • 07:44

JUGEM¥Æ¡¼¥Þ¡§Æüµ­¡¦°ìÈÌ

 

 

HE VIEW ESSAY

SOCIETY

What we owe 2020-somethings   £²£°£²£°Ç¯Âå¤ËÉé¤Ã¤Æ¤¤¤ë¤â¤Î

BY ERIC KLINENBERG

 

IN JANUARY 2020, LUIS WAS 21 AND BEGINNING THE second semester of his junior year at a public university in New York City.  He lived with family in Queens, and everyone pitched in to make ends meet.¡¡His father was retired.  His mother collected disability insurance.¡¡His older sister, with whom he shared a bedroom, was a veterinary technician.   Luis worked at a law firm.  The apartment was crowded, loud, and sometimes crazy.  But in New York City, what isn’t?  Luis was usually out in the world, anyway, because when you’re in your 20s, the world is yours.

 

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   When COVID-19 hit, Luis’ universe suddenly narrowed.  No school. No job.  No parties.  No friends.  Soon, his whole family had the virus.  It was scary, because by then Queens was one of the most dangerous places on the planet, with mobile morgues standing outside overflowing hospitals.  A few weeks earlier, Luis was looking at graduate schools and thinking about a new life in a new city.  Now his main goal was to survive.

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   Luis was one of the 33 college students and recent graduates whom Isabelle Caraluzzi (an NYU doctoral student) and I interviewed for a book about the year 2020.  They were a diverse group, so it was striking to find so many commonalities in their pandemic experience: Stress, anxiety, and a generalized insecurity from which they have yet to be relieved.  Deep uncertainty about the nature of the post-pandemic world.  Feeling obligated to make enormous sacrifices for the good of others, with no one in power ever naming, recognizing, honoring, or compensating their losses.  Losing faith—not only in the core institutions that anchor society, but in the idea of society itself.

 

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Protecting Survivors¡¡À¸Â¸¼Ô¤ò¼é¤ë

  • 2024.03.11 Monday
  • 18:20

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Nadia Murad

 

Nadia Murad

PROTECTING SURVIVORS  /  By Astha Rajvanshi

 

Nadia Murad dreamed of running her own beauty salon in Kojo, a small farming village in northern Iraq.  “In my imagination, the salon was a safe space where women and girls could share ideas, learn things, and have something for themselves,” she says.

   That dream was torn away when Islamic State fighters invaded her village in 2014, intent on destroying a Yazidi community they called infidels.  Her mothers, siblings, relatives, and friends were killed.  Murad, then 21, was one of nearly 6,000 Yazidi women and children held captive and subjected to rape for nearly three months.  She eventually escaped and resettled in Germany in 2015.

 

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    Today, the 30-year-old channels that trauma into advocacy for survivors of genocide and sexual violence.  “When you survive a war and know so many people who didn’t make it, you feel responsible to do something for them,” she says.

    As president and chairwoman of the nonprofit Nadia’s initiative, Murad lobbies governments and international organizations on behalf of those in crisis, with a focus on policy reform and resources for community rebuilding.  Her efforts have resonated with the world:  her 2017 memoir became a New York Times best seller, and in 2018 she was awarded the Nobel Pease Prize.   Murad, who often meets fellow survivors, says they all share a desire for “justice, and to see an end to this systematic use of violence against women and girls.”

 

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    Èó±ÄÍøÃÄÂÎNadia's initiative¤ÎÂåɽ·ó²ñĹ¤È¤·¤Æ¡¢¥à¥é¥É¤Ï´íµ¡Åª¾õ¶·¤Ë¤¢¤ë¿Í¡¹¤Î¤¿¤á¤ËÀ¯Éܤä¹ñºÝµ¡´Ø¤ËƯ¤­¤«¤±¡¢À¯ºö²þ³×¤ä¥³¥ß¥å¥Ë¥Æ¥£ºÆ·ú¤Î¤¿¤á¤Î¥ê¥½¡¼¥¹¤Ë½ÅÅÀ¤òÃÖ¤¤¤Æ¤¤¤ë¡£ 2017ǯ¤Î²ó¸ÜÏ¿¤Ï¥Ë¥å¡¼¥è¡¼¥¯¡¦¥¿¥¤¥à¥º¤Î¥Ù¥¹¥È¥»¥é¡¼¤È¤Ê¤ê¡¢2018ǯ¤Ë¤Ï¥Î¡¼¥Ù¥ë¥Ô¡¼¥º¾Þ¤ò¼õ¾Þ¤·¤¿¡£  À¸Â¸¼ÔÃç´Ö¤Ë¤è¤¯²ñ¤¦¤È¤¤¤¦¥à¥é¥É¤Ï¡¢"ÀµµÁ¤È¡¢½÷À­¤È½÷»ù¤ËÂФ¹¤ëÁÈ¿¥Åª¤Ê˽ÎϤνªßá¤ò¸«¤¿¤¤ "¤È¤¤¤¦´ê˾¤ò¶¦Í­¤·¤Æ¤¤¤ë¤È¸À¤¦

 

  In December, she emerged as lead plaintiff in a lawsuit filed with some 400 Yazidi Americans against Lafarge, the Frech cement conglomerate that in 2022 pleaded guilty to paying millions to ISIS for a factory in Syria.  Huma-rights attorney Amal Clooney, a longtime associate and advocate for Muad, filed the suit under civil provisions of the Anti-Terrorism Act.  “Companies who support ISIS or other likeminded groups must be held accountable,” says Murad.

   Alongside her advocacy, Murad will be the first in her family to graduate from college this year, with a sociology degree from America University.  After that, she’s looking forward to small joys like “more hair and makeup,” she says, smiling.  “I know I wasn’t able to open my salon, but I’m proud to say that at least I can help other women and girls in Iraq do it.”

 

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Died Alexei Navalny

  • 2024.03.09 Saturday
  • 06:46

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Alexei Navalny

Founding father of the future Russia

BY MIKHAIL ZYGAR

 

ON JAN. 1, 2015, ALEXEI Navalny called me.  “Well, you and us have no one else left but you and us.  Let’s work together,” he said.

 

     It was indeed a hard time for both him and me.  It was editor in chief of the Dozhd TV channel at the time, and we were cut off from all cable and satellite operators.  But Navalny, who died at 47 on Feb. 16 in a Siberian prison, faced much worse: the criminal case invented to force him to stop his political activities.  That time, Alexei was given a suspended sentence, but his brother was imprisoned.

 

    That year, I wrote a book called All the Kremlin’s Men.  One chapter was about Alexei, and I described him as follows: “Navalny is a unique person who made a conscious choice.  As yet he has no power, and may never have.  But he has certainly sacrificed the chance to lead a normal life, although he describes it as an opportunity to change Russia for the better.”

 

    I was naïve at that time—all of us were.  We would never believe that Vladimir Putin wanted him dead.  Because we thought that he didn’t want Navalny to be a martyr.  I always thought, “Alexei is very morally strong; he is a historical figure; he cannot die.”

 

    About a week before his death, I received a letter from Alexei.  It was, of course, incredibly funny and energetic.  He wrote that he was sitting in a cell from which you can’t see a blade of grass or a leaf, and even to take a walk he was taken only to a neighboring cell, but he wrote it so cheerfully and dashingly that there was no doubt that everything was all right.

 

   He also wrote about Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Nabokov, Solzhenitsyn, and Vysotsky.  He was glad that in the new colony he was able to reread Crime and Punishment.

 

All of us, including Alexei, were naïve.

                

I THINK MANY of us thought he was a magician: at some point, he casts some sort of spell, Putin disappears, and Alexei becomes the Russian President.   But it turns out it won’t be like that.  He won’t be the President of future Russia; he’ll have to be its founding father.

 

   For many years Russia was a very cynical country.  Many people seriously believed there was no democracy in the world; there was no freedom of speech, only propaganda everywhere; and there was no such thing as fair justice.  But Alexi believed in all those values.  And he gave his life for it.  So now we all have to believe.  And the next generations will grow up and learn by looking at him—and they also believe.  Now all those people who are mourning Alexei Navalny are Russia’s future.  He united us and asked us not to give up.  “You and us have no one else left but you and us.  “Let’s work together.”

 

Zygar is a journalist who was editor in chief of Cozhd, Russia’s only independent new channel

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